


Confusion

by Fulcrumisthebomb



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Genre: Language, M/M, Sexual Themes, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fulcrumisthebomb/pseuds/Fulcrumisthebomb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's bitterly cold.<br/>Raph suggests whiskey.<br/>Leo accepts.<br/>THINGS HAPPEN.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fetish

**Author's Note:**

> This short story began as the first chapter only, written in response to a single word prompt, "Fetish". My friends encouraged me to continue the story, and it grew into four parts.
> 
> I would also like to point out I very rarely write about any of the brothers drinking. I find that to be a crutch in TMNT fanfic, as there are very few logical reasons as to why any of them would ever willingly inhibit their senses. I enjoyed finding a loophole in my own logic. I hope you enjoy!

Leo knew he shouldn't've had the fourth shot of whiskey, but damn, it was cold in the lair, and Donnie had all but promised he couldn't get the heater working at least until morning.  Mikey had taken Splinter to April's for the night, as the old rat had a lot more trouble with the temperature than they did.

Still, Leo hated the cold.  He loathed winter and snow and the freezing air with an unholy passion.

The last shot trickled down his throat, the warmth curling in his stomach pleasurably.  He reached out, somewhat shakily, to stop Raphael from pouring another.

"No more," Leo said, shaking his head, then gripping the kitchen table when his vision blurred.  "M'done.  Shoulda been done before this started."

"Makes no sense," Raphael said lazily.

"Shouldn't have any," Leo mumbled, crossing his arms on the table and resting his head on them.  "Feels good, though."

"Damn straight," Raphael agreed heartily, filling the shot glass outside Leo's range of movement and knocking it back before slamming it to the table.  "Yer gonna want 'nother.  Betcha."

"No," Leo moaned.  "Gonna regret it in the morning."

"So what?" Raphael asked crabbily, poking his arm insistently.  "Ya never have no fun.  Y'ain't no fun," he added gloomily.

"Am too," Leo said defensively, raising his head to glare at him.

"Yeah?  What's the las' thing ya did for _fun?_ "

Leo chuckled, slumping forward on the table completely as he shook his hand in the air in a jerk-off motion, and Raphael roared with laughter.  Some part of him knew he should be offended at that sound, at Raphael's reaction, but at the moment he couldn't work up the motivation.

"High 'n mighty Leader does _that?_ " Raphael teased.  "Figured ya were one a'them.. Uhh... Them people that don't do that."

Leo snorted derisively, ruffling one of his bandana ties that had flopped over his face.  "You kidding?  S'all that relaxes me sometimes."

"I hear ya."  Raphael nudged the shot glass at Leo, who blearily shook his head.  "So whaddya think 'bout?"

"Huh?"

"While yer..."  Raphael mimicked his earlier motion, and Leo sniggered, burying his face in his arms.

"I dunno.  Lots of stuff."

"Like?"

" _Raph,_ " Leo nearly whined.  "S'embarrassing."

Raphael grinned, resting heavily on the table as well.  "I'll tell you one of mine if ya tell me one of yers."

Oh, a challenge.  Leo liked that.  "Hair."

"Wha'?"

"Long hair," Leo repeated, balling his hands into fists.  "Looks so pretty.  Soft.  Wanna tangle my fingers in it.  April's hair's too short.  Wish she'd grow it out."

"Mm."  Raphael nodded, as if considering.  He grinned as he watched Leo tentatively grasp the shot glass, eying it hungrily.

"Your turn."

"Wet."  When Leo gave him a confused glance, Raphael cleared his throat.  "Y'know, wet skin, how it looks all wet and glowy like that.  I like it."

"Huh.  Never thought of that."  Leo was cold again already, and he sighed as he raised the glass and greedily drank from it.  It almost tasted good by now.  "Clothes.  I like clothes, any of 'em.  Just like how they look."

"Yeah?  Like skirts 'n stuff?"

"All of 'em," Leo repeated groggily.  "Really like gloves.  And hats.  And jackets."

"Yeah I noticed that," Raphael giggled, prodding him again.  "Get all wide-eyed at commercials an' shit on TV."

Leo shrugged, sliding the shot glass back toward Raphael.  "Like wearing clothes too, feels nice. Warm."

Raphael fell silent, moodily staring at the glass in his hand for a few moments before speaking.  "Ya get off to April anymore?"

Leo shook his head, hiding a yawn.  "Not after she met Casey...  No, don't feel right, y'know?"

"Yeah, same."  Raphael flicked the glass, watching it roll in a semi-circle.

Leo tilted his head, peering closely at him.  "Who you get off to, then?"

"You."

They both froze.  Not even the alcohol induced haze could hide their astonishment as Raphael guiltily stared back at Leo.

"I- I meant- I mean somethin' else," Raphael finished lamely.

Leo just stared.

"M'gonna go," Raphael mumbled, grasping at the table edges to push himself to his feet, but Leo's hand shot out, locking onto his shoulder to keep him into place.  Raphael watched in surprise as a slow, satisfied smirk curled his lips.

"Thought I was s'only one."


	2. Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's bitterly cold.   
> Raph suggests whiskey.   
> Leo accepts.   
> THINGS HAPPEN.

Leo's hand scraped on the brick wall, slowing his desperate flight from the lair. He leaned against it, groaning as he gingerly rubbed his aching eyes. If he'd thought his head hurt before, he was absolutely sure now he was going to curl up and die from the sharp pain that laced across his skull.

But standing here, lost in the sewers and shivering in agony, was better than facing what he'd done last night. It was better than reliving the flashes of memory that threatened to tear his sanity. There was so little he remembered, but it was enough to shame him into blindly running to escape for the first time in his life.

Drinking with Raph- they'd been in the kitchen, he was fairly certain. Talking with Raph about nonsense as they huddled to stay warm. Kissing Raph. Dragging Raph upstairs. Pinning Raph down. Watching Raph stumble out of _Leo's_ bed this morning, bent over stiffly, eyes wide with embarrassment and recognition.

Leo slammed a fist into the wall, tears soaking his mask as his stomach lurched and his head swam fuzzily. _How_ could he have done that? How could he have _forced_ himself on Raph like that? Was he _that_ repulsive of a person with inhibitions removed?

Leo slid down the wall, cradling his head in his hands. If he lived through this hangover, he was going to make Donnie promise to kill him if he ever touched alcohol again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It took three tries, but Raphael finally swung his body into his hammock, and he curled into a ball defensively. He'd had a few hangovers, though not for a year or so. It didn't make this one any easier to deal with, though, because Because of last night.

Raphael buried his face in his pillow, trying to stop his body from shaking. He was reasonably sure he'd let _something_ slip last night, and that scared the hell out of him. Because then something had _happened,_ and he was also reasonably sure as to what that was.

His hands wandered to his neck, his lips, his thighs. He felt small bruises and scrapes; marks he'd always longed for in his fantasies, but now he couldn't enjoy them. Because he'd seen Leo's face when he'd sat up in bed- _Leo's_ bed- and met his surprised gaze.

That look of fear and utter revulsion would haunt Raphael the rest of his days.

He'd finally gotten what he'd dreamed of- and he couldn't even remember it.

He drew his knees up to his chest, wincing at the unfamiliar pain. He was never going to drink again. _Never._


	3. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's bitterly cold.   
> Raph suggests whiskey.   
> Leo accepts.   
> THINGS HAPPEN.

"Dude. _What the hell_ is with them?"

Donnie patted the chair next to him, and Mikey bounded over and plopped down, his shoulders slumping sadly.

"I mean, it's been a week of this. They act like they're fighting but they're _not._ It's like It's like they're magnetic opposites, can't get within ten feet of each other. And those glares! I'm afraid to get caught between them, I might spontaneously combust!"

Donnie arched a brow at him, a smile curling his lips. "That's a lot of big words for you."

"I know," Mikey said proudly, swinging his feet and bumping Donnie's leg rhythmically. "I _do_ listen to you, y'know. Sometimes."

"Hmph. Well, it may have something to do with the night the heater went out," Donnie said cautiously, his smile widening when Mikey predictably leaned forward eagerly.

"What? Dude, you been holding out on me? Tell me!"

Donnie twiddled something on his workstation, not paying any attention to it. "Well, you had taken Splinter to April's-,"

"Yeah, yeah, get to the good stuff."

Donnie chuckled. "The long and the short of it is, I was running around trying to weld the parts necessary to fix the heater, and I'd burnt a glove so I needed a new one, so I was going to my lab when I saw them at the kitchen table." He paused dramatically.

Mikey bounced in his seat. "Go on!"

"They were..." Donnie tilted closer to Mikey. " _kissing._ "

Mikey blinked at him, blue eyes wide with astonishment.

"And I don't mean a peck on the cheek type of deal," Donnie added in a conspiratorial whisper. "This was a major game of tonsil hockey."

"Ho-ly shit," Mikey breathed, unable to hide his excited grin. "Well geez, no wonder they're all embarrassed and stuff! And they don't want us to know! But, like, dude, they're more transparent than ghosts."

"I know, right?" Donnie settled back in his chair with a laugh, abandoning his tools on the table. There was no way he could concentrate on his work now. "A long time coming, I'd say."

"I guess. The way they fight and stuff? Y'think it's some kinda twisted foreplay or something?"

Donnie bent over, laughing again. "Oh Mikey, you have the worst imagination, I swear."

"Worst or _best?_ " Mikey teased, giggling.

"Both?" Donnie suggested. He rested his elbows on the workbench, chin in his hands. "So, I've had a week to chew on this, but How do you feel about it?"

Mikey bit his lip as he shrugged.

Donnie was surprised at that. "It doesn't weird you out?"

"Not really." Mikey shrugged again; too casually.

"Why not?" Donnie pressed, tilting his body toward him again.

"Just doesn't. So what're you working on today?" Mikey asked brightly, prodding the gadgets on the table.

That was entirely too obvious, Donnie thought. Mikey was a much better actor than this. He must truly be flustered. But why? He hadn't seemed that uncomfortable a moment ago, just fascinated.

Unless

"Mikey."

"Hm?"

"Do you have a crush on Leo?"

Mikey fidgeted with a wire. "No."

Donnie felt his heart leap. "Raph?"

Mikey looked away, studying the wall intently. "No."

"Mikey?" Donnie leaned closer, his arms slipping from the table to rest lightly on Mikey's shoulders.

"You! It's you, okay?" Mikey peered up at him, his eyes unsure and yet wide with hope. "It's always been you, since we were four, but then I really understood like a year ago but you're always so busy and you've got enough stuff to worry about than me mooning and drooling over you so I was just gonna wait and _mmph._ "

Donnie covered Mikey's mouth with his own, silencing the confession as they instinctively wrapped their arms around each other. It was chaste, hesitant; but their eyes opened and shared silent promises.

"You know" Donnie said, panting softly when he pulled back, "when you start jabbering like that, I have an overwhelming urge to shut you up."

"You can shut me up anytime," Mikey giggled, burying his face in Donnie's chest. "Wow."

"Agreed." Donnie stroked the back of his head, urging Mikey to move and sit in his lap.

They cuddled for nearly an hour, chuckling and whispering as their hands and lips explored.

"Man," Mikey said dreamily as he nuzzled Donnie's neck, "Leo and Raph are _so_ missin' out."

Donnie laughed in agreement, locking his fingers around Mikey's shell. "Maybe we should _help_ them?"

"Oooh, I like," Mikey sniggered. "We should brainstorm!"

"Use that terrible imagination of yours," Donnie teased, laughing again when Mikey smacked his arm.

"Just you wait 'til you find out what I've been imagining about _you,_ " Mikey whispered, and they shivered together.


	4. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's bitterly cold.   
> Raph suggests whiskey.   
> Leo accepts.   
> THINGS HAPPEN.

Raphael shoved Leo out of the way, pounding on the door with his fists.

" _You- goddamn- little- fucker!_ " he screamed between his punches. "Mike! Open this door or I swear I'm gonna eat yer intestines for supper!"

"Yeah, that's _so_ effective," Leo said sharply. From the soft light peeking under the door, he saw Raph turn and glare at him.

"You shut up," Raphael snarled, then banged on the door once more. "Mike!"

"It's good for _youuuu,_ " Mikey replied in a sing-song voice.

"Have fun, you two," Donnie added.

Leo and Raph shared a surprised glance.

" _Donnie's_ in on this?" Raphael asked, slumping against the door.

Leo gave him a wry smile even as he shifted further into the closet away from him. "What, you think kind, gentle Donnie doesn't have a mischievous streak?"

"No, but Ugh. What's the fuckin' point?" Raphael drew his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them.

"Who knows?" Leo shrugged, then glared at Raphael's scowl.

"I meant that meta- meta-,"

"Metaphorically?"

"Yeah," Raphael snapped. "Just- Don't talk to me." He hid his face between his knees, mumbling, "Not that ya wanna anyway."

Leo's eyes narrowed, his heart twisting painfully. He _wanted_ to talk to Raph, to apologize, to atone for what he'd done, but Raphael _knew._ He knew what Leo had done, and was obviously scared of him. Disgusted with him. Justifiably so. Leo sighed, content to wait out the bewildering punishment of their brother's.

Raphael couldn't resist sneaking a few glances at Leo as they sat in uncomfortable silence. The light from under the door limned his muscular form, the slope of his face, curling in the dark eyes and making them glow. His breath caught in his throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut. _No._ No more of that line of thinking. Leo hated him now, for what he'd seduced Leo into doing.

He couldn't stand the disappointed look in Leo's gaze any longer.

"M'sorry."

Leo's head snapped up. "What?"

"M'sorry you hate me so damn much," Raphael spat, hugging his knees closer. He glanced over, his amber eyes burning with animosity.

"H-hate you?" Leo blinked, trying to understand why Raphael would be apologizing to him. "Why would you think I hate you?"

"'Cause of _that_ night!" Raphael exploded, gesturing wildly. "Why the fuck else would I think that? Look, _m'sorry_ I suggested the whiskey. Just- just know ya hate the cold and- and I musta gotten too frisky an' whatever else I did to convince you to- to _be with me,_ m'sorry." He fell silent, curling defensively again and glaring at Leo. How could Leo act so stupidly innocent like this? It was _infuriating._

Leo rubbed his eyes vigorously before staring at Raphael again. "Raph, it's me who should be apologizing. _You_ did nothing wrong."

"Wha'?" Raphael snapped.

"I- I don't drink, you know that." Leo glanced at his hands, balling them into fists. "I- I must be the most vile, _horrible_ person who's ever lived to have forced myself on you like that."

Raphael frowned. "What the _hell_ are ya talkin' about?"

Leo leaned forward, confused. "What are _you_ talking about?"

They stared at each other silently.

"Y-You think you _raped_ me?" Raphael asked hoarsely.

"You think you _seduced_ me?" Leo asked incredulously.

Raphael snorted. "Well, _duh._ How else would you've ever willingly gotten in bed with me?"

Leo felt like he'd suddenly forgotten how to breathe, and he gasped air into his lungs clumsily. "You _wanted_ that?"

Raphael shifted, his eyes darting about guiltily. "Yeah. So. You _didn't,_ 'cause you freaked the fuck out on me that mornin'-,"

"Only because I thought I'd done something _terrible!_ " Leo retorted, crawling forward and gripping Raphael's shoulders tightly. "You wanted that?"

"I just said so!" Raphael yelled in his face. "But-,"

"But I did too," Leo said quietly. "I just thought-,"

Raphael's face twisted with fury. "Hell, Leo, you think you could force yerself on me like that? Fuck no. No matter how drunk we were."

"So you wanted-,"

"Yes, Leo, fuck, ain't you listening to me?" Raphael said irritably. His expression softened as he added, "But you wanted it too?"

Leo nodded, his eyes deadly serious.

"Then what the fuck have we been doin' this last week?" Raphael muttered, feeling embarrassed under his piercing gaze.

Leo slid his hand up to Raphael's face, tracing the curve of his cheek. He smiled when Raphael leaned into the touch. "Wasting time, apparently."

Raphael had just enough time to grin before he launched himself forward, rolling Leo onto his shell as he roughly pressed their lips together.


End file.
